🔗 Share this article Balancing my Desire for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Every time I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, often resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle different types of intimate connections as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional who specialises in treating sexual disorders.