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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to talk about love, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks indicating a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your decision to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {